i feel so damn lost. and useless. i hate this feeling.......
i still had to carry on with work even though i feel like shit. at least i have something to do. Clea came by. she was so sweet. she came not only to visit, but to give me a souvenir from her hometown. however it was the wrong timing. i was trying to drown myself in my work so that i could try and reflect and get over my trauma. and when she asked why i was feeling how i was feeling, i fought back the tears and just told her i don't feel like talking. i couldn't even stand up to say thanks. Because this was what i was doing around the people who were around doing what they were doing.
Float was also very sweet. she came by with her little sea lion and it pecked me on my cheek. I didn't expect that coming.
People have been nodding in approval of what i am creating. but what's the point of having something that looks fantastically promising, when it has nothing to back it up. It's as if i am creating a work without meaning, which i hate so badly. i feel so embrassed. i am so ashamed of myself. i need to find myself, fast.
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