struggling to survive

i realised after critic today that what mada said was right. i need to try to distance myself from my works so that my personal emotions will not affect my being.

today during my first critic session, i broke down again. i failed to go past the 5th or 6th sentence of my print out "script". i tried to pull myself together but i struggled with the continuation as my speech collapsed again when all the ill memories came rushig into my mind. the words that trigger the tears brought me back to the past when tbe event took place and i relived it on the spot.

my focus was off and amidst the abrupt pauses, i tried very hard to continue with the presentation, which got really chaotic.

anyways, i thought negatively of my critic at first because i felt i didnt get the feedback i needed. the students didnt comment much. i was told that my works are too literal and it would be good to try using metaphors instead. i got good response on tomatogirl being ambiguous and leading the viewer to the character. to be continued .. .

jung's theories
http://www.susanhendricks.com/jung.htm

theprimal wound
http://209.85.175.104/search?q=cache:Dzqvq5oWJZQJ:www.ksattach.us/wsg11-12-06.pdf+the+primal+wound&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=5&client=safari

http://www.psychosynthesispaloalto.com/books/primalwound.html

http://books.google.com/books?id=0VrpUvziME0C

http://books.google.com/books?id=IWfVSwsuPLoC&pg=PA231&lpg=PA231&dq=the+primal+wound+by+john+firman+quotes&source=web&ots=1fPrwDgVwr&sig=gwdv27nFV-nuxCv1gcKadDTyhzg&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=3&ct=result
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"Changing the way we look at others"
http://www.learntoquestion.com/class/archives/2000-2001/galleries/facinghistory/essays/source/8.html


metaphor
http://www.geocities.com/theschizophreniamyth/metaphor.html


human nature and continuing human existence
http://condition.org/humexis.htm

hannah arendt
http://www.iep.utm.edu/a/arendt.htm

the human condition
http://www.thehumancondition.org/

Alterity
http://www.albany.edu/~jej84/Dickinson/alterity.htm

On Sartre and Self-Consciousness
http://www.janushead.org/JHSummer98/HulyaGuney.cfm

Psychological trauma book
http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=qyFoYQBKScYC&dq=what+is+psychological+trauma&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=NYJ4BmezH4&sig=YxNudixDapoeulfHRtUXMZxseeU&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=8&ct=result#PPA4,M1

subjectivity and otherness
http://books.google.com/books?id=IBdUongxZjgC&pg=PA4&lpg=PA4&dq=psychoanalysis+of+lacan+and+otherness&source=web&ots=enpUQAmptl&sig=MtRlwOuX7UONo97ZdrRCxF6kvSI&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=9&ct=result#PRA1-PT1,M1



can there be world without othering?
http://www.learntoquestion.com/class/archives/2000-2001/galleries/facinghistory/essays/source/t-other-antonius.html

Passenger seat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy8m90clHgw&NR=1

taxidermy

tom waits
outside good inside bad
skillet
martika
luka
concrete angel

presentation today.

a discussion about hatching.  

http://www.umich.edu/~ece/student_projects/pamela_illustrated/engraving.durer.knight.gifhttp://www.umich.edu/~ece/student_projects/pamela_illustrated/engraving.durer.knight.gifhttp://www.umich.edu/~ece/student_projects/pamela_illustrated/engraving.durer.knight.gif

- says: (1:03:36 AM)
is cross hatching really hard?
- says: (1:03:48 AM)
i don't think that drawing was really even strictly hatching!
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:04:33 AM)
it is hard for me 
when i hatch, the lines tend to curve 
when i want it straight 
- says: (1:04:53 AM)
but what i meant was i thought i saw you drawing in pen before
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:05:10 AM)
yar i attempt to draw in pen 
and i try to hatch
but its not working somehow 
i was told 45 degrees 
for the line 
- says: (1:06:00 AM)
the direction of line plays a part, i feel it should be more determined by the form of the object
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:06:10 AM)
aha 
that i am unsure 
and i don't know how to do hair
- says: (1:07:06 AM)
hmmm what kind of drawing are you trying to do?
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:07:19 AM)
hehe... like goya and hogarth 
that kindd
but i felt i couldnt that's why i did the wood carving instead
and i asked ocean , she told me about resting my hand at a comfortable sspot and then move the wrist with the little finger as a pivot 
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:09:06 AM)
dont know man 
its nothing serious la.  
just that i find difficulty in doing it 
- says: (1:10:27 AM)
ah ok hmmm
TOMATO GIRL says (1:10:29 AM)
and i go by instinct 
- says: (1:10:30 AM)
takes practice i guess
though i dont really understand the pivot thing
TOMATO GIRL ,"i was a criminal for wanting to go to school on a public holiday" says: (1:10:40 AM)
so sometimes it turns out wrong 
yar 
- says: (1:10:45 AM)
oh yeah, i do too
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:10:48 AM)
i think i need alot of time too 
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:10:49 AM)
oooh u go by feel ah 
- says: (1:10:56 AM)
yeah haha
TOMATO GIRL saysys: (1:10:58 AM)
like over do la 
sometimes 
- says: (1:11:00 AM)
no technique
yup
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:11:09 AM)
oooh ?  i thought u knew the technique 
- says: (1:12:07 AM)
but i think if your line control is good and consistent, you should be able to get it to look how you want? it's just about how much to go over a part to get the tone you want?
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:12:13 AM)
sometimes i find that when the hatch is too erm... "empty"  like when the crosses get too wide, it looks quite ugly 
- says: (1:12:24 AM)
yeah i guess that could happen
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:12:28 AM)
yar 
dont know how to do that
but i see that in ur sketch that one i commented on 
- says: (1:12:48 AM)
line weight matters too?
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:12:56 AM)
oh  change pen ah 
- says: (1:13:13 AM)
i think you could, but i never really tried that before haha
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:13:18 AM)
hmmx 
arghhhhhhh need time need practice but no time arghhh
- says: (1:14:11 AM)
just simple drawings?
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:14:31 AM)
yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr need to practicee 
- says: (1:14:57 AM)
i just saw this
http://www.umich.edu/~ece/student_projects/pamela_illustrated/engraving.durer.knight.gif
hahahaha
engraving pfff
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:15:16 AM)
yar la 
a;incoianscd
dont know how maaaaannnnn 
i wonder how the old masters practice in their time 
- says: (1:15:57 AM)
i think about the spaced out thing? you could try to push your values more, so you actually get more greys?
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:16:10 AM)
in pen ? 
- says: (1:16:19 AM)
so you won't have a lot of large negative spaces
- says: (1:17:06 AM)
cause really not a lot of things are a pure white, but you sort of have to adjust the contrast in your mind too? decide where you want your darkest tones to be
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:17:50 AM)
yarp true 
- says: (1:18:34 AM)
isn't it actually harder to do 2-tone drawing?
or shading rather
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:18:48 AM)
in pencil ? 
- says: (1:19:00 AM)
i don't know, anything, like just black and white
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:19:14 AM)
dont know man 
like vector image in just black n white ? 
- says: (1:19:27 AM)
yup
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:19:35 AM)
haa i think that's ok 
- says: (1:20:14 AM)
hahah you're printmaker what, that's pretty much what you have to do for screenprints isn't it, if you leave out halftones
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:21:25 AM)
hey don't classify me as a printmaker.  that;s only my major .  we still do painting and sculpting too
hmmx ... 
- says: (1:21:39 AM)
hahaha okok just kidding
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:22:27 AM)
hmm... for stencils and for linework yes 
- says: (1:22:38 AM)
ah yes stencils
TOMATO GIRL ,"i was a criminal for wanting to go to school on a public holiday" says: (1:23:07 AM)
like paper cut oooh i love papercuts (even though i've only done one my entire life) 
- says: (1:23:18 AM)
ahaha
TOMATO GIRL says
have u tried ? 
- says: (1:23:57 AM)
nope
TOMATO GIRL says (1:26:18 AM)
not ur kind of thing is it 
- says: (1:26:33 AM)
mmm i don't really know what that is? haha
TOMATO GIRL ,"i was a criminal for wanting to go to school on a public holiday" says: (1:26:37 AM)
huh
paper cutting ? 
- says: (1:26:47 AM)
yeah
TOMATO GIRL ,"i was a criminal for wanting to go to school on a public holiday" says: (1:28:20 AM)
its like a build up of layers of colour paper under black linework that defines the image 
it can be 2-tone too 
- says: (1:28:50 AM)
oh okay
hmmm
right, yup never tried it
probably did digitally, but haha not actual cutting
TOMATO GIRL sayss: (1:29:46 AM)
http://www.scherenschnitte-online.de/galerie/FrameSet.htm
- says: (1:30:22 AM)
haha shucks
i can never do that
like chinese papercuts
TOMATO GIRL says
yar
wait i'm trying to find a pic of one that has layers 
there's this japanese artist that does it so beautifully
- says: (1:33:02 AM)
oh ok
TOMATO GIRL says: (1:34:08 AM)
argh nvm nxt time 

blame me for letting the people of studioland into our own place. blame me for making use of the handicapped boy. blame me for making her lose her job. and just because i have a bigger camera, blame me for documenting. blame me for everything.